Funny Cat Anecdotes

I’ve had a various number of cats living with me between 1996 and when I went off to college for my third year in 2001. I found this lovely little book while at Barnes & Noble tonight (where I got an advance copy of Harry Potter VI, which was cool). Anyways, here’s some of the funny things I found in there:

I purr and your blues fade away.
I snuggle close
and frowns turn to smile.
I play chase
and your world fills with laughter.
And in return,
all I ask, is two meals a day…
…and all your love.

I’m a little confection that will melt your heart.

Cats sleep because it is their sole purpose in life.
Humans sleep so that they have the energy to serve their cat.

My human thinks that I’m arrogant, selfish, lazy, and huffy. She’s right, and I have many other fine virtues too.

What are little kittens made of?
30% cuteness
29% mischief
28% purrs
10% soft fur
3% innocence

There are many secrets to getting out of trouble when you have done something bad:
Look indignant
Purr sweetly
Pretend to be injured
Blame the dog
Run like Hell

CAT DICTIONARY
Insomnia- The inability to get more than 20 hours sleep in a day.
Loyalty- Staying with the one human for more than 6 weeks.
Stress- A condition only observed in other creatures.
Bird- Canned food with wings but no can.
Dog- A large hairy overgrown flea.
Consciousness- That annoying time between naps.
Box- A possible portal to utopia which must be explored and guarded.
Work- An activity carried out by mankind to maintain catkind in comfort.

Quantum Cat Theory: Upon hearing the sound of a can being opened, it becomes possible for a cat to travel faster than the speed of light.