Hard Decision

In the wake of my new job, and the increased responsibilities both it and my website (a business related one, not this one) have on me at this point in my life, I cannot in good faith try to continue the upkeep of my over 2000 fanlistings that I am a member of. I will also be getting rid of most of the fanlistings I currently run myself. I mean, I'm 25 now, and as much as I have enjoyed making these sites, I have other things that are more important to me now, and I need to stop using those sites as a crutch and escape from the responsibilities I have in life now. So, if website owners wish to remove me from the list, I understand, but it's something I no longer have the time, energy or inclination to upkeep.

Life's Little Instructions #7

I'm on a role now, so here's some from 301-350.

301. Become an expert in time management.

303. Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink. (Literally or figuratively?)

304. Judge your success by the degree that you're enjoying peace, health, and love.

308. Make the bed when you're an overnight visitor in someone's home.

309. Contribute 5% of your income to charity.

312. When tempted to criticize your parents, spouse, or children, bite your tongue.

313. Never underestimate the power of love.

314. Never underestimate the power of forgiveness.

315. Don't bore people with your problems. When someone asks how you feel- say "Terrific; never better." When they ask "How's business?", reply "Excellent and getting better every day."

316. Learn to disagree without being disagreeable. (Working on this- not having much luck, however.)

317. Be tactful. Never alienate anyone on purpose. (Working on this- slow going, however. I have a bad habit of putting my foot in my mouth without meaning to and not much idea how it got there.)

318. Hear both sides before judging.

320. Be courteous to everyone. (ESPECIALLY the ones you don't want to!)

323. When there's no time for a full workout, do pushups.

324. DOn't delay acting on a good idea. Chances are solmeone else has just thought of it too. Success comes to the one who acts first.

325. Be wary of people who tell you how honest they are. (Wish I'd known this before I met Dirty D!)

326. Remember that winners do what losers don't want to do.

327. When you arrive at your job in the morning, let the first thing you say brighten everyone's day.

328. Seek opportunity, not security. A boat in a harbor is safe, but in time, its bottom will rot out.

330. Rekindle old friendships. (I would, if I wasn't worried how much I've changed would scare them off.)

332. Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.

333. Instead of "if only", try substituting "next time".

334. Instead of using the word "problem", try substituting the word "opportunity".

335. Every so often, push your luck.

338. Live your life so that your epitaph could read "No regrets". (I'm working on it!)

339. Never walk out on a quarrel with your spouse.

346. Be bold and courageous. When you look back onb your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did.

347. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Life's Little Instructions #6

Know it's been ages since I listed bits from this collection, but here's some more from 251-300.

251. Learn to show enthusiasm, even when you don't feel like it.

252. Take good care of those you love.

254. Keep it simple. (stupid lol)

258. When meeting someone for the first time, resist asking what they do for a living. Enjoy their company without attaching any labels.

260. Every day, show your family how much you love then with your words, your touch, and with your thoughtfulness.

261. Take family vacations whether you can afford them or not. The memories will be priceless.

264. Don't nag.

266. Beware of the person with nothing to lose.

269. Don't whine. (Why not? Can I have some cheese with it tho?)

271. When facing a difficult task, act as though it is impossible to fail. If you're going after Moby Dick, take along the tartar sauce.

273. Remember that overnight success usually takes about 15 years.

274. Leave everything a little better than you found it.

278. Don't expect money to bring you happiness

280. No matter how dire the situation, keep your cool. (Easier said than done!)

281. When paying cash, ask for a discount.

284. Never underestimate your power to change yourself.

286. Practice empathy. Try to see things from other peoples' points of view.

288. Discipline yourself to save money. It's essential to success.

289. Get and stay in shape. (Working on that...diet is becoming DIE with a T on the end tho!)

292. Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river. (Already found that out- to my detriment.)

294. Keep overhead low. (What exactly does this mean?)

295. Keep expectations high.

296. Accept pain and disappointment as part of life

297. Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things: 1)Findingh the right person and 2) Being the right person.

298. See problems as opportunities for growth and self-mastery.

300. Don't expect life to be fair.

Life's Little Instructions #5

Here's some more from 201-250.

201. Don't carry a grudge

203. Return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank full

205. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems (Yeah, but it's still really hard for me to truly relax...I'm much better at panicking)

208. Attend high school art shows and always buy something

210. Commit yourself to constant self-improvement (Isn't this kinda like a small step in the right direction?)

212. Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your convenience, not the caller's

215. Don't plan a long evening on a blind date. A lunch date is perfect. If things don't work out, both of you have only wasted an hour

216. Don't discuss business in elevators. You never know who may overhear you

217. Be a good loser (I'm trying to get better at this)

220. Spend less time worrying who's right, and more time deciding what's right

222. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret

223. Praise in public

224. Criticize in private

226. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go (I've been trying this a lot lately...it's fun)

227. Resist giving advice concerning matrimony, finances, or hairstyles (What if said advice is asked for? Does this still apply?)

228. Have impeccable manners

229. Never pay for work before it's completed (Dances don't count, cuz it's entertainment, not work! :P)

231. Keep a daily journal (So what do ya call this? lol)

232. Keep your promises (I'm trying really hard to be better at this)

234. Teach your children the value of money and the importance of saving (You can never start saving too early!)

235. Be willing to lose a battle in order to win the war (I've never understood this phrase...what's it really mean?)

236. Don't be decieved by first impressions

237. Seek out the good in people

240. Drink eight glasses of water a day

242. Be cautious about lending money to friends. You may lose both

244. Buy a bird feeder and hang it so you can see it from your kitchen window (I would, but the way my house is, the only trees are in the backyard, so I guess I'll put it there)

247. Tape record your parent's memories of how they met and their first years of marriage

250. Learn to show cheerfulness, even when you don't feel like it (This one's really hard for me)

Some of these have really given me room for thought....what about you?

Life's Little Instructions #4

Here's some more of Life's Little Instructions, from 151-200.

151. Get acquainted with a good lawyer, accountant, and plumber.

154. Resist the temptation to put a cute message on your answering machine

155. Have a will and tell your next of kin where it is

156. Strive for excellence, not perfection. (Sometimes I wonder if they're not just two sides of the same coin)

157. Take time to smell the roses (Can I grow 'em too?)

158. Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage (This might work- if I actually prayed anymore)

162. Keep your desk and work area neat (As any of my friends will tell you, I'm constantly losing the battle to get this done)

163. Take an overnight train trip and sleep in a Pullman

164. Be punctual and insist on it in others

168. Resist telling people how something should be done. Instead, tell them WHAT needs to be done. They will often surprise you with creative solutions

170. Be neat (Again- a losing battle)

171. Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts (So where does the persons with the useless trivia come in?)

173. Be kinder than necessary

174. Encourage your children to havbe a part-time job after the age of sixteen

175. Give people a second chance, but not a third

177. Never take action when you're angry (Do I have to?)

178. Learn to recognize the inconsequential, then ignore it

182. Be romantic

184. Don't quit a job until you've lined up another

185. Never criticize the person who signs your paycheck. If you are unhappy with your job- resign

186. Be insatiably curious. Ask "why" a lot

188. Be the most positive and enthusiastic person you know (This one'll be one of the harder ones to do)

189. Learn how to fix a leaky faucet and toilet

190. Have good posture. Enter a room with purpose and confidence

191. Don't worry that you can't give your kids the best of everything. Give them your best

195. Determine the quality of a neighborhood by the manners of the people living there

197. Don't forget- a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated (I put this one in as much from myself as to others)

198. Feed a stranger's expired parking meter

199. Park at the back of the lot at shopping malls. The walk is good exercise.

Life's Little Instructions #3

Here's some more of Life's Little Instructions, from 101-150.

101. Learn how to read a financial report (And how, exactly, do I go about doing that?!)

102. Tell your kids often how terrific they are and that you trust them

103. Use credit cards only for convenience, never for credit

105. Treat yourself to a massage on your birthday (You don't have to tell me twice!)

107. Smile a lot. It costs nothing and is beyond price. (Yeah, I need to remember to do this more.)

108. When dining with clients or business associates, never order more than one cocktail or one glass of wine. If no one else is drinking, don't drink at all

109. Know how to drive a stick shift (I tried- Rich won't lemme near the 'stang now!)

111. Never use profanity (Little late for this one too)

112. Never argue with police officers (Uh- duh?)

113. Learn to identify local wildflowers and trees

116. Consider writing a living will

118. Don't buy expensive wine, luggage, or watches

122. Stop and read historical roadside markers

123. Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly

124. Know how to change a tire

125. Know how to tie a bow tie

126. Respect your children's privacy. Knock before entering

127. Wear audacious underwear under the most solemn attire

128. Remember people's names (I try to but too many don't wanna stay in my head!)

133. When someone is relating an important even that's happening to them, don't try to top them. Let them have the stage

137. Keep your watch five minutes fast

139. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have

141. Give yourself an hour to cool off before responding to someone who had provoked you. If it involves something really important, give yourself overnight

143. Join a slow pitch softball team (And where, pray tell, am I supposed to find one of them?)

146. When playing games with children, let them win

Life's Little Instructions #2

Here's some more of the Life's Little Instructions list, from 51-100.

51. Take out the garbage without being told (And don't forget to put a new bag in the can, either!)

54. Surprise loved ones with little unexpected gifts (I just need to figure out what kinds of stuff they like)

57. Make the best of bad situations

59. Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you

60. Admit your mistakes (I still need to work on that)

62. Use your wit to amuse, not abuse (Does being sarcastic count?)

66. Support a high school band

67. Demand excellence and be willing to pay for it (Would that be literally or figuratively?)

68. Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.

70. Hug children after you discipline them

72. Give to charity all the clothes you haven't worn during the past three years (I think that would get rid of half my closet!)

76. Choose a charity in your community and support it generously with your time and money

78. When someone wants to hire you, evenif it's for a job you have little interest in, talk to them. Never close the door on an opportunity until you've had a chance to hear the offer in person

81. Avoid sarcastic remarks (But that's no fun!)

83. In business and in family relationships, remember that the most important thing is trust

85. Never encourage anyone to become a lawyer

87. Even if you're financially well-to-do, have your children earn and pay part of their college tuition

88. Even if you're financially well-to-do, have your children earn and pay for ALL of their car insurance (You can bet on that!)

91. Don't let anyone ever see you tipsy (I think it's a little late for that!)

93. Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90% of all your happiness or misery

94. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who'll never find out (Sounds like a great idea to me)

96. Lend only those books you never care to see again (I sure learned this one the hard way!)

99.Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures

Life's Little Instructions #1

I don't know how many parts this "series" is going to have, but I was at a friend's house recently, and saw this book called Life's Little Instruction Book (you can find it here) and was inspired to write down all the instructions I either didn't know to do yet or hadn't gotten around to doing yet. Hopefully it will inspire more than just me to try and do some of them. So, here's the first 50 of them...listed by the numbers as they appear in the book, so don't yell at me when numbers are missing. That just means that they're ones I already know or have already done. Oh, and the italics after some lists are just my little side comments.

1. Compliment three people every day

2. Have a dog (Can't it just be a pet? Won't that count?)

3. Watch a sunrise at least once a year

7. Look people in the eye (I don't do it enough- that's why it's here)

12. Use the good silver (I will when I get some!)

13. Learn to make great chili

14. Plant flowers every spring

19. Buy great books even if you never read them (Not read them?!?)

20. Be forgiving of yourself and others (This'll be one of the harder ones to do)

23. Floss your teeth (I don't do it enough- that's why it's here)

24. Drink champange for no reason at all

25. Ask for a raise when you feel you've earned it

26. If in a fight, hit first and hit hard

27. Return all things you borrow (I'm bad about this one!)

28. Teach some kind of class

31. Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards

32. Once in your life, own a convertible

33. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated

35. Plant a tree on your birthday (Guess I'll have to wait to do it til next year)

37. Make new friends, but cherish the old ones

39. Take lots of snapshots

41. Don't postpone joy

42. Write thank-you notes promptly

43. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen every day

48. Keep a tight rein on your temper

49. Buy vegetables from truck farmers who advertiser with hand-lettered signs


I'll write more down later when I have the time.

Inevitability

You ever know of instances in life where you're going along, all content with how life is going, when you realize that there's something that you have to do. It's probably something that you don't want to do, because you like how life's going right now, and you really don't feel like changing it. You try to ignore it, hoping it will go away or take care of itself, but, you soon begin to realize that there's really no way around it, and you're going to have to make a decision about this roadblock in your life sooner or later, no matter how painful it will be. It's unpleasant, but necessarry, because you know deep down that ignoring it isn't really going to do anything. And you sigh and push your sleeves up and prepare to get down to the dirty business of deciding if staying or going is really the better option in the long run.

Love and Heartache

No, I'm not a man hater, and I'm not trying to bash them (too hard), but I'm going through a rough spot in my current relationship, and I feel like typing it out here works better as a catharsis than just writing it out for noone else to see. Well, anyways, here goes; warning- this may descend into ramblings at certain points, but please, bear with me.

It's amazing how much pain the human heart can handle. I mean, we pour out our souls to these guys (or girls, as your preference may be), and most of the time it works out real well. You connect with the other person and all is well. Then you get times with either that person or someone else where it feels like they're trying to rip your beating heart right out of your chest. Then there's the kind of hurt that's more like a dull ache, which comes from the kind of relationships where you know the inevitable breakup talk is coming, but you love them so much and you don't want them to go, but you know deep down that it's not working out, and you're not as close as you once were. And maybe you two aren't talking as much or as long about the things that interest one or both of you as you used to. It's the kind of ache that you try to ignore or make go away with some double dutch fudge ice cream, or a vodka tonic or two (or four), or maybe you're even one of the daring ones to try drugs to make the pain go away, and not necessarily the illegal ones, either, but sometimes, just sleeping pills to knock you out so you don't have to think about it. And you cry your eyes out because this is the person you've said you love and most times they've said it back to you. How do you ever feel like everything will be all right again?

In my line of work as a dancer, I get to hear a lot of very nice, thought provoking songs, but, considering the arguments my boyfriend and I have been havign recently, a couple stuck out in my mind as poigniantly appropriate- George Michael's "Careless Whisper" (Lyrics Here) and Roxette's "It Must Have Been Love" (Lyrics Here). The suckass part of it all is that the pain's so fresh today, since we had argued again this morning, that at times today, it was hard for me to dance without tears, which I played off as allergies. I've been with him for almost four years now, and, it basically all comes back to me being immature. (Not an insult he throws at me; more like the truth, since he's not the only one to have told me that.) I keep trying to be more mature and better at this relationship stuff, but all the things I know I need to do just seem too big. Anyone else feel like this sometimes?

The L Word Weekend

I don't know what's gotten into me lately, but I'm been on a girl-flirt kick for about two weeks now. That's not to say I'm totally going lez or anything, but more along the lines of I miss a feminine touch from time to time. I just realized, while planning out how to write this entry, that it's been a while since I've played with chicks, and I think my body misses that. I mean, I am bisexual, so I guess I've been neglecting that part of my sexuality, and it's come back to bite me in the ass. I mean, first I change over to working at Deja Vu, and there's just all these girls there that I like, though very few I'm truly sexually attracted to. The reason for that is that I have this feeling that why should I become truly attracted to someone, if they're not into girls? Why set myself up for hardships that way? That, and the fact I'm picky whether it's guys OR girls, means that there probably only about 3 or 4 girls I seriously flirt with hardcore. Anyways, this week was interesting, since I first got to do a double with F, this gorgeous leggy brunette that's always been nice to me, and apparently she likes girls, and I guess had been flirting with me as much as I had with her, and I guess I just didn't click to it. lol So, that was early in the week, and then yesterday, I ended up getting a double with this one chick I REALLY have a jonesin' for, and I also found out she lives not too far from me, so maybe one day I can get up the courage to ask her over for drinks or something...dunno.

But, the real fun was Friday night. Me, Rich, Lana, and a couple of new friends of ours went out to Flirt after I got off work to see the Chicks that Rock concert. It was really cool and we all had a blast, but I think I enjoyed spending time talking to Azz, this brunette (seeing a trend?) that was roomies with the girl that Lana was talking to. I mean, we both love to read, and apparently really enjoyed a lot of the same books, like Laurell K. Hamilton and Diana Gabaldon (Outlander series)...spent lots of time talking and laughing with her, along with pointing out the chicks we each thought were hot looking. I even tried to get her to dance for a couple of songs, loosen her up a lil bit, but I think it ended up the other way around. :) We ended up all crashing at my place, and I even woke up this morning cuddling with Azz, which was really nice. :D We actually ended up spending most of the week mostly just being the five of us, going to Malibu Grand Prix and just generally hanging out, and then we had a bunch of people come over today to celebrate, so we're all having fun.

My Thoughts on the Gay Rights Movement

After having read many pro and con commentary sent to my local newspaper about the county's recent decision against gay pride, I think I've come to realize that there are many out there, myself included until recently, that may not understand the origins of the movement. For many, it started with the Stonewall riots of 1969. Up until then, may in New York knew about the police raiding local gay hangouts and arrresting many on flimsy charges. Well, when they went to do the same at the Stonewall club, the patrons fought back.

It's more involved than just that, but, then again, so was the modern civil rights movement more than Rosa Parks and/or Brown Vs. Board of Education, but for many, they were the impetus that started others to realize the importance of what was going on. So with Stonewall. I know there are many people that get offended when people compare the gay rights movement to the civil rights one, but even my educated mind can see similarities. I mean, as far as I know, growing up in mostly black Prince Georges' County, Maryland, many of my black friends would tell me that black history was about celebrating people realizing that government could no longer say that just because they didn't have the "right" skin color was no excuse for lesser service. Same goes for the gay rights movement in my mind. These people, with their pride parades and pamphlets and books and such, simply want the public to know that the government cannot even say that just because they didn't have the "right" sexual orientation was no excuse for lesser service. I have never seen or read of any gay or lesbian trying to tell others that they have to be lovers, only that they have to accept gasy as human beings too, much like in the 60s, when blacks told others that they didn'thave to be lovers, but that they have to accept that, no matter the color of your skin, we're all humans and all deserve the same rights and priviledges.

So, to all those who wrote into the paper saying that the county was right in not allowing "these people" to shove their ideas and their morality down their throats, hey- ya'll ever remember that part of our Constitution that talks about freedom of speech? Last time I checked, if you have the right to believe in your moral code being right and telling others about it means that, by the same coin, others with different moral codes have the same right to tell others about it. There is a significant difference in allowing people to hear all the sides of a story and allow themselves to make up their own minds, and presumptuous people telling others that their's is the right way, and there's no other right way but that. I've seen it many of times with both the liberals AND the religious right. It's called freedom of choice- so give us the motherfucking choice already!

Frustration Mounts

Okay, this damn thing does not seem to be doing what I want and need it to do. I am trying to find a free based php related weblog program that I can plug into my main page without it spitting back a ton of errors and cannot find pages or cannot display pages. This is really getting on my last nerve and I'm really frustrated, and I don't know what to do, and I could really use some help here. I wish I knew more about php and how it works and how to make it work properly, so that when I post here, it'll show up when you go to www.nevernormal.com...right now, I have it in it's own lil subdirectory because for some reason, either the fucking server's messed up or there's something seriously wrong with me as a programmer, and I feel like bursting into tears about the fact that my life sucks and my boyfriend won't help with this because he thinks I spend way too much time on the computer anyways, and I need to stop rambling now. *sigh* I'll just get some sleep and try again tomorrow, I guess.

Social Commentary

Sorry, but I just had to comment on something that’s been a kinda local event for about 3 weeks now. Nine year old Jessica Lumsford was found missing from her grandparents’ house in late February. However, due to the fact that only here in her nightgown and a stuffed means they think he might have done it, but since they have no legal proof, they’re saying they just wanna talk to this guy so that his lawyer doesn’t try and sue them. Anyways, said person of interest apparently decided that escape was the better part of valor and hightailed it to Georgia, and when police caught up to him, he was in the process of trying to buy a bus ticket to Tennessee under a different name. Now, that in and of itself would make me suspicious, but when you add in the fact he violated his parole/probation and got a felony charge for leaving the state without notifying his corrections officer (he was on probation for a sex offense charge, I believe), that all adds up to pretty damning evidence that, if he wasn’t guilty, it at least looked VERY suspicious. Well, while in custody in Georgia, he admited under oath and took a polygraph attesting to the fact that he kidnapped and killed Jessica. Not only that, but he lived not 200 yards from her grandparents’ house. But, since she wasn’t registered as having a permanent residence at her grandparents’ house (she lived with her father, I believe, and was being babysat by her grandparents), then the standard regulation that he not be within a certain distance of small children was null. I mean, I understand that the system cannot always be foolproof and catch all the bad guys who try to slip through the cracks, but I feel so much for her father, who, through all of this turmoil, still tried to keep himself sane by insisting that his daughter was still alive somewhere (autopsy will probably prove that she was dead no more than 2 days after she was abducted, which is what’s typical for this kind of abduction). I mean, I think how I would feel if my child was lost and all I had to hold onto was the belief that she was still alive somewhere. But why does this kind of thing happen so often? I mean, I understand that there are all kinds of evil in the world, but what kind of evil is it to think that children are well, nice like that? It just boggles my mind. I’m sorry, but when they reported in the paper today that they found her little body behind the guy’s house (where he told investigators they could find her), it just made my heart ache. Not only that, but, by all reports, this fucking bastard has yet to show remorse for what he’s done. I’m sorry, but in my personal opinion, he should be sentenced to a medium length sentence, and then set loose in the general prison population, because, as anyone knows, child molesters are really not liked very much in prison (honor among thieves, I guess), and I’m sure no guard would bat an eye if he suddenly turned up with a skiv in his ribs.

Not only that, but I also wanted to comment on the baseball subpoenas done to be before the House Committee on steroids. One things I noticed right off the bat: they had live feed on ESPN until at least 8 pm EST, and, in all my time growing up in DC, I’ve never really heard of any Congressional hearing going beyond 6 or 6:30 at the latest, but the fact this ran until at least 8 shows how seriously Congress is taking this issue. Also, I thought it sadly amusing how Mark McGwire, out of all those baseball players current and former, kept repeating that he wasn’t here to talk about the past (when asked if he’d ever used steroids), but, when pressed by a panel member if he wanted to take the Fifth, McGwire just kept repeating this bullshit about “let’s keep it to the present”. What utter bull. I’m sorry, Mark, but why don’t you just go ahead and say “sure, I did them.” I mean, if anyone took one look at him now, with graying red hair, low muscle tone, and getting a little on the pudgy side, well, what else are you going to suppose? But, at the same time, I do believe that Conseco’s book, while it undoubtedly has some truth to it, was probably inflated to sell books, but he may have also used this as an opportunity to get back at certain people who ignored him after he was blackballed by the MLB. I dunno, but I do agree with the Representative who was himself a former Hall of Fame pitcher who proposed that those players who won Hall of Fame stats due to steroid use should have those records wiped. One last thing on the subject: One representative asked the Chief Medical Officer of the MLB if he thought that the thing today about society being told by TV shows and advertisements that how they look isn’t good enough, or pretty enough, or fast enough had any influence on people being more prone to wanting to at least try out steroids or human body enhancements. I think it does…I think that people are bombarded on all sides by “people” who say that they need this or that to be complete or good enough or whatever. What the fuck ever happened to being happy with the way you were?

For Love of a Good Book

I have always loved the way that a good book can take you away from life and troubles for a little while. Two of my favorite “guides”, as it were, are J.D. Robb (otherwise known as Nora Roberts) and Laurell K. Hamilton. J.D. writes the wonderful futuristic series In Death, of which I believe I am about halfway through at this point. Below is a list of her stories, in chronological order, with the one’s I’ve already read crossed out:

Naked in Death
Glory in Death
Immortal in Death
Rapture in Death
Ceremony in Death
Vengeance in Death
Holiday in Death
Conspiracy in Death
Loyalty in Death
Witness in Death <—am in the process of finishing it!
Judgement in Death
Betrayal in Death
Seduction in Death
Reunion in Death
Purity in Death
Portrait in Death
Imitation in Death
Divided in Death
Visions in Death
Survivor in Death <—new in hardback this year

But, I have to say that, though I enjoy the futuristic aspects of her series, I also enjoy the more supernatural feel of Laurell’s two series: Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter; and Meredith Gentry. First I’ll give you the Anita Blake series list and then the Meredith Gentry one, which is shorter.
Guilty Pleasures
The Laughing Corpse
Circus Of The Damned
The Lunatic Cafe
Bloody Bones
The Killing Dance
Burnt Offerings
Blue Moon
Obsidian Butterfly
Narcissus in Chains
Cerulean Sins
Incubus Dreams
A Kiss of Shadows
A Caress of Twilight
Kissed by Moonlight
Stroke of Midnight <—out April 2005

And, except for the latest Merry Gentry story, and only because it’s not out yet, I’ve read every one of both series. But, the one main similarity between the two authors is that all three series showcase strong, take charge, brassy, no-nonsense women in law enforcement (if you take a broad scope of it). Anyways, I simply wanted to showcase two of my favorite authors.

Me and Drink Don't Mix

Although, I think I should clarify that a little bit- me and drink don’t mix whenever I try to do it on an empty stomach! Now that it’s been about a week and a half since I’ve done it and I can talk about it without cringing…too much, I thought I would explain why people should not attempt to drink a concoction of Bailey’s Irish Cream and vanilla vodka when one has not eaten since about 4 pm or so…and I started mixing/drinking at around 9. So, was wallowing in a snit about Dusty (what else right now?) and had apparently forgotten that I hadn’t eaten any dinner yet. So, there’s me, my boyfriend Rich, Johnathan (a friend of ours who’s not a swinger), Mark & Denise, and Tony (all of whom are swingers like me and Rich). Well, I was in my usual uber flirty mode after having a few, and Rich, of course, was telling me to knock it off and calm down. Please! When I’m in this kind of mood, I’m nothing but horny. So, I end up in the bedroom with a couple of the guys, though I don’t remember much beyond me enjoying myself quite a lot. I remember (after Mark reminded me) of blubbering on his shoulder for about ten minutes muttering some apology about being such a rookie. (Don’t exactly know what that was about, but anyways…) All I truly remember beyond the sex was me blabbering in Spanish for what I needed as I voided all I’d drunk that night into the convenient trash can. Well, I woke up the next morning all fine and all, no hangover to speak of, per se, but at the same time, I didn’t think my stomach could hold up to too much food, so I brought some chicken noodle soup with me to work, and basically treated my body like it was getting over the flu, and I think I got through it all okay. All I can say, even though all my friends keep having the “yeah right” expression on their faces, is that I NEVER want to have to go through that kind of hell again. So, ever since, I’ve tried to cut back on the amount of alcohol I drink, though I did succumb to the two-for-one special on Tequila Sunrises at Applebee’s this past week, but, for some strange reason, tequila seems to agree with me when vodka or rum doesn’t want to. Go figure

Work Can Be Odd

Had an interesting week so far- never more than 2 girls for most of the day for most of the week. Yeah, it means I generally have to work my ass off to make my money, but it’s worth it, and, when it’s only two or three girls, we all do good, so that means everyone leaves work happy. Well, everyone that is, except the day manager, because, for some strange odd reason even I cannot seem to comprehend, when the day girls leave at 8 pm, there is very rarely one, if any night girls that have yet to show up by 8 pm. Now, granted, there’s usually plenty by 8:30 or 9, but, last time I checked, night shift started at 8 p.m., not 8:30, and certainly not 9. What ever happened to a case of work ethic? I see it all the time with the day girls, but it seems conspicuously absent with night girls, for the most part. Take yesterday for example. It was basically me and Precious from noon to 8 pm, and we had a couple of rushes during the day, so by 8 o’clock, we were both gunning for the door. Well, as par for the course this week, there were no night girls and, come to find out, three guys in the club walking in as we were walking out. Well, if it weren’t for the fact I’d a) already made my money and b) was really tired and footsore by this point, I would’ve stayed. But, then the night manager comes in and askes why the day girls are leaving already when there’s no night girls. Excuse me?!? Since when is it our duty to stay past the eight hours we’ve already put in just because night girls can’t get up off their asses and get into the club in plenty of time to get ready and be on the floor by 8 o’clock. I sure as hell hope my boss doesn’t yell at the two of us today for leaving when we did, cuz that would be beyond unfair. Don’t blame the day girls for wanting to leave when it’s time for us to go, and there are guys walking out because no girls are ready. Put the blame where it belongs- on the night girls. Personally, I think that those girls ought to be either put on a schedule or fined if they can’t be dressed and on the floor by the beginning of shift. Just my two cents on the subject; had to get that out of my system because this has been going on for about two weeks now, and, personally, I’m sick and tired of it already.

Funny Cat Anecdotes

I’ve had a various number of cats living with me between 1996 and when I went off to college for my third year in 2001. I found this lovely little book while at Barnes & Noble tonight (where I got an advance copy of Harry Potter VI, which was cool). Anyways, here’s some of the funny things I found in there:

I purr and your blues fade away.
I snuggle close
and frowns turn to smile.
I play chase
and your world fills with laughter.
And in return,
all I ask, is two meals a day…
…and all your love.

I’m a little confection that will melt your heart.

Cats sleep because it is their sole purpose in life.
Humans sleep so that they have the energy to serve their cat.

My human thinks that I’m arrogant, selfish, lazy, and huffy. She’s right, and I have many other fine virtues too.

What are little kittens made of?
30% cuteness
29% mischief
28% purrs
10% soft fur
3% innocence

There are many secrets to getting out of trouble when you have done something bad:
Look indignant
Purr sweetly
Pretend to be injured
Blame the dog
Run like Hell

CAT DICTIONARY
Insomnia- The inability to get more than 20 hours sleep in a day.
Loyalty- Staying with the one human for more than 6 weeks.
Stress- A condition only observed in other creatures.
Bird- Canned food with wings but no can.
Dog- A large hairy overgrown flea.
Consciousness- That annoying time between naps.
Box- A possible portal to utopia which must be explored and guarded.
Work- An activity carried out by mankind to maintain catkind in comfort.

Quantum Cat Theory: Upon hearing the sound of a can being opened, it becomes possible for a cat to travel faster than the speed of light.

Figuring This Shit Out

Okay, I’ve never had a blogger quite like this before, and I’m working on modifying the layout so that it’ll look more like the rest of nevernormal.com, or I may just leave it something like this. I dunno. I’m just trying to get on with my life, what with all the bullshit Dusty’s been putting us through over the past couple of weeks. For those of you who care but didn’t know yet, my former adult webmaster, who’s also know as Dirty D, posted slanderous comments about my boyfriend, accusing him of being something that we actually have proof that he isn’t. He’s been trying to make our life a living hell and make it so that I wouldn’t be able to work in the adult industry at all, but it looks like it’s backfired on him. Many people who know us have actually come and talked to us about it first before making any decision one way or the other. So, that’s what I’ve been up to in my life lately.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to everyone the world over- may you all have a more prosperous and thankful year in 2005. As you can see, I put together a new layout ... of myself. These are some casual pics from a photo op with me and Taia Tyler. (We're still good friends, even though I have yet to convince her to move down to Tampa!) I apologize in advance if I have offended anyone with the nature of these pictures, but I do not feel I am showing anything risque here. I am also closing my Ankh fanlisting, due to lack of interest by people.

Updates and Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all those who will be celebrating it today. While most may say that this is the last thing people have to worry about, besides the upcoming New Year's parties, I have always been blessed to be able to "have to" celebrate my birthday on December 30th. Now, granted, this did tend to mean that lazy people could get it all out of the way with just one gift, but hey, I'm not picky. Just happy that I can already drink, though I will probably get carded well into my 30s. *sigh* oh darn.

My Thoughts on the War

*sigh* I wish that I didn't have to deal with what the President has now thrown at us, but I can't handle it anymore. I'm writing this as I listen to the President's press conference and I am dismayed. I know that it's kinda vague whether or not Congress has declared war, since legally, they are the only ones who may do so before the President may act on it. Now, in regards to the issue with Osama bin Laden, yes, I do believe that we have the right, and the obligation, to take care of this threat since it has recently come to our attention, with the 9/11 attacks a year and a half ago. If we had to go to war to get rid of him and his threat, I personally believe that Congress and the rest of the US government had the right, if not the obligation, to declare war.

However, in the case of Iraq, I do not believe this to be the case. Bush's father had the chance back in 1991 to deliver a final blow to Saddam, but seemed to feel that the revolting peasants would be able to knock him out of power quickly. However, not only was this not the case, since Saddam is still in power, his reaction to the revolters was to torture and kill their familes. So now, IMHO, his son is trying to one up his dad by getting rid of Saddam when his daddy didn't. But, there's one big difference. Back in 1991, Bush Sr. had the support of most of the European Union behind him, as well as the support of China and Russia. (A rarity) Now, three of the major Euroasian powers (France, Germany, and Russia) are staunchly against this war, and I guess Bush Jr. doesn't really care if foreign policy with these countries is damaged or not. I don't know. All I know is that we had the chance ten years ago and we didn't take it. That doesn't mean we as a nation have the right to say 'we don't like you in power. I know we didn't finish you off the first time like we should, but we will now!'

I'm sorry. I may be an American citizen born and bred, but I do not believe that we have the right to say that we don't like the way a country is run, and that our way is the best/only way to do it. Gee, THAT really seems like Democracy. Ya know, last time I checked, the Founding Fathers left their nation because they were being told how to behave. I'm sure they're spinning tops right now seeing how we want to make other NATIONS (where, back then it was merely citizens of one nation) see that our way's the best. Last time someone tried to that was World War Two, when Germany told Austria that they were part of Germany again whether they liked it or not. (I know I'm starting to get a lil indecipherable, but I'm just really upset with this whole deal.)

I know there might be a lot of ppl out there who don't agree with my views. Ya know what? That's your right! You don't have to agree with anything you don't want to agree to. If anyone wants to rant or comment, GO AHEAD. In fact, I really would love to hear what everybody else thinks about this. But, anyways, thanx for giving me time to give my two cents on things.

DISCLAIMER: This rant is only regarding my own personal views and are not meant to be taken as an insult to anyone, but is merely a personal viewpoint, and an exercising my 1st amendment rights as a US citizen.

Enjoying my Life

Had fun for my 21st birthday, and got a nice lil fuck for new year's...ooh, boy, does Rich know what he's doin'!!! Really enjoying the new year so far, but hope to a) go to megacon in february, and b) move into a house when our lease is up this summer.

Working on Stuff

I know I haven't been posting much, but is because of too much of a backlog of apps, plus the fact I need to finish up with the lightning fanlisting. Not much happening in my life, except almost all done with the shopping...one more coworker to do, and I'm all done. Even splitting the cost of Rich's present with Mouse...Should be fun.

Affiliates Needed

Have been fooling around with fanlistings a lil much, and would like to get some affiliates if I could...here's a list of the subject matter, and relative affiliates I'm looking for. Need "Affiliates Request" in the subject line.

Cats: The Musical
musicals, Andrew Lloyd Webber, songs, characters;cats@pti.cjb.net

Chronicles of Narnia
books, movies, characters; narnia@pti.cjb.net

Just Fanatics (site collective)
ANYTHING, but must be a fanlisting; affiliates@justfans.cjb.net

Stars
nature, places; stars@pti.cjb.net

Unicorns
fantasy, animals; unicorns@pti.cjb.net

TFL Issues

Found this in my email today...was concerned as to the implications:
The staff would like to bring to your attention a situation that has arisen. A situation that has the potential of causing alot of confusion and also hurt feelings.
Kim (aka badasschick) has decided that things at The Fanlistings are not run to her liking, and has decided to open up her own Fanslist network. The staff is concerned that there will be confusion between the two sites (especially with the names being so similar). We are also under the belief that she has basically stolen the idea and wants to use it to hurt The Fanlistings.
The staff has been trying to do what it can to make The Fanlistings something that everyone will enjoy. We are working very hard to keep this site up-to-date. We feel that what is being done is a slap to our face, as it is being set up by someone who has shown (on this list and on the forum) that she has issues with the staff and Janine.
We ask you all for your support during this time. We are not asking you to do anything to hurt Kim as she tries to do this but we also wanted you to know that we are not happy with the situation.
You can support The Fanlistings Network by suggesting ideas for the site, by reading the archives before asking questions that have been answered just a few days (sometimes hours) earlier, by letting us know if you find a fanlisting is no longer available or is inactive, and even by telling us if you think a staff member is not doing their job.
We thank all of you for your support and for YOUR work on the Fanlistings Network - this site would not be what it was if not for all of the wonderful fanlisting owners, soon-to-be owners, and fans!

Sincerely,
The Staff

That was the initial letter. I was upset that, just because someone didn't agree with the way things were being done, that she thought she had the right to go and essentially copy this site....Then Becca sent this:

While you have all probably already thought of this, I figured I'd point out the obvious --
trademark
n. a distinctive design, picture, emblem, logo or wording (or combination) affixed to goods for sale to identify the manufacturer as the source of the product. Words that merely name the maker (but without particular lettering) or a generic name for the product are not trademarks. Trademarks may be registered with the U.S. Patent
Office to prove use and ownership. Use of another's trademark (or one that is confusingly similar) is infringement and the basis for a lawsuit for damages for unfair competition and/or a petition for an injunction against the use of the infringing trademark.
Copyright protects expression. The Copyright Act of 1976 states that the items of expression can include literary, dramatic, and musical works; pantomimes and choreography; pictorial, graphic and sculptural works; audio-visual works; sound recordings; and architectural works. An original expression is eligible for copyright protection as soon as it is fixed in a tangible form.
Consequently, almost any original expression that is fixed in a tangible form is protected as soon as it is expressed. For example, a graphic created in Photoshop is protected as soon as the file is saved to disk. A Web page is protected as soon as I stopped typing and saved the .html file. Most of the items that you are likely to
encounter on the net are eligible for copyright protection, including the text of web pages, ASCII text documents, contents of email and Usenet messages, sound files, graphics files, executable computer programs and computer program listings.
Essentially what Kim (whoever she is, I mean no dissing in this) is doing is not a only an infringment of trademark but also copyright. The similarity of the site names would be in US Law a direct violation of both Janine and the staff's own legal rights. It's been said before and will probably be said a million times more, Janine CREATED the idea of a fanlisting and therefore any and all aspects of it belong to her and her chosen associates.

Personally, I believe Becca has good points....and, no, it isn't a generic term, either....Take, for example, Kleenex. Since so many people used the brand name as a generic term to refer to tissue paper for the face, Kleenex, the company, basically lost the copyright on the word kleenex. However, as it refers to thefanlistings.net, Janine created this concept and Kim putting up a group called Fanslist is essentially copyright violation. It has been precedented that two companies with similar names can have a suit if one company can prove that the other, younger company did create a similar name with intent to confuse the consumer as to which was which.
Well that's my five cents on the subject.

I Like Pink Pony

Very happy about where I'm working now...the girls are nice, the clientele is more...THERE, and my bosses are very nice. (In fact, the day boss usually buys the girls lunch!) I really love it, and am making a HELL of a lot more than I ever did with Chase...I also hear he's about to sell the club now that he doesn't have any day girls. hee hee payback's a bitch! And, with me making over 800 total between work and a scene I did today, I've a VERY happy dancer.

Chase is a Jackass

Been having fun lately....went to an awards show a cpl nights ago, and had a lot of fun...may change where i'm working....Chase is really bugging me with all this shit he'll enforce with me, but not with the girls that make him boku bucks...it's ridiculous for this BOY to try and run a place like this. He doesn't know how and doesn't know to take the good advice he's given and use it...He keeps shooting himself in the damn foot, and I can only take so much more of this. And, with the obstacle in my way of working at secrets out of the way, I'm seriously considering changing clubs.

My Comments on 9/11

I just posted this to a posting board I belong to and felt it would be fitting to post it here:

I am sure this may seem a little redundant, but this is our generation's Pearl Harbor. Pearl Harbor changed our grandparents' and parents' generations and 9/11 is the same with us. I personally was terrified when I found out, b/c my father works in the federal section of his company, and sometimes has to go to the Pentagon. (Luckily, he was home with a cold. The twists of fate, eh?)

Anyways, I feel that this is not a day for ppl to try and get off work or to play and party. That is not to say that's what I think ppl are going to do. This is, like I said, like Pearl Harbor. It should be a day of rememberance. Many ppl lost their lives, some defending their country against the terrorists.

We need to remember what they sacrificed their lives for (FREEDOM), instead of treating it like another Independence Day. That is not to say we shouldn't celebrate or independence, but that, as with most other holidays, it has become too commercialized, and ppl have forgotten what the true meaning of the holiday is.

And that's another thing. I don't understand why ppl seem to enjoy acting like lemmings. If you don't know what they are, they're a lil creature that follows the rest of his group into the ocean. It's a crazy lil mammal, but it makes an important point. why should one celebrate something, and decorate house and/or self just b/c everyone else is? I'm doing this b/c I want to commemorate the ppl who died. If you're doing this only to do it, or b/c everyone else is, why bother? If you have no conviction behind what you do, why do it?

So, this is what my game plan for tomorrow. I am wearing a patriotic outfit for work. when ppl come in, I will explain that I am wearing this is rememberance of the ppl who lost their lives a yr ago.

New Sites

Boy, I've been busy. You can't tell it from the quick linx, since all of them are fanlistings, but I've been BUSY when it comes to making new sites. Music of the Night (Phantom of the Opera) and Now & Forever (Cats: The Musical) are the only two I have now that I didn't make. I got them from Raven, and am extremely grateful for her giving me them. The other four I've put out recently are: New Frontier (CrossGen comix), Playing God (Ares), Requiem for an End (ST:TNG finale "All Good Things"), and Show of Support (BtVS Writer's Guild). I think I'm having too much fun with my Paint Shop Pro..either that, or I have too much time on my hands. Also had to delete my upcoming fanlisting for Viktoria, since I found someone else had already been approved for it. (sigh) ah well, Rich would say that's good, but I still like her sites!

Friday Five-August 24th

Friday five time again....actually getting good at doing this on time! So, here goes:
1. What is your current occupation? Is this what you chose to be doing at this point in your life? Why or why not? May seem odd, but I'm a dancer right now. At this point in my life, yes, this is something I chose to do, tho I may branch out into different genres, like modeling or movies. Why? well, I'm making good money, tho could be making more.

2. If time/talent/money were no object, what would your dream occupation be? Hmm, lots of different choices...Well, I've always wanted to write sci-fi or mysteries..also want to be a good web designer, like, along the lines of ILB, or Rae, or Janine. Have always wanted to be a historian and/or go on archaeological digs. Always wanted to be an actress, too, but the whole casting couch thing kinda turned me off....but, probably either a writer or web designer....yeah.


3. What did/do your parents do for a living? Has this had any influence on your career choices? My mother used to be a nurse, but has since retired, and my father is a systems consultant for a computer company in Vienna, VA...well, dad's kinda influenced what I wanted to do, before money problems got in the way, whereupon this whole dancing gig fell into my lap.


4. Have you ever had to choose between having a career and having a family?Not yet, thank God, but, if I had too, I'd be a stay at home mom until my kids went off to school.


5. In your opinion, what is the easiest job in the world? What is the hardest? Why? Well, if I want to get tongue in cheek, I'd say my job is both...It's easy in that you can set your own hours, mostly; can tell assholes off if they get too rowdy; and it pays well for minimal effort. It can also be the hardest in that, if it's your main job, like it is for me, you have to deal with assholes day in and day out wanting the same thing, and you get tired of repeating yourself, and eventually become jaded towards the opposite sex. (But, that's why I'm a swinger...to give it a lil prospective.)

Well, other than that, am SERIOUSLY considering finding a new job before I drown with this sinking ship of a club...but, on the good side, was promoting the club when I went on the Bubba the Love Sponge Show...I took care of a 7'6" basketball player...was lots of fun, and now all our friends are emailing us going 'was that really Crys???' LOL It's really kinda funny.

Friday Five- August 16th

Friday Five time, tho this is one of Rae's old ones.
1. Do you have a car? If so, what kind of car is it?The one my bf and I share right now, tho it'll be mine when I get my license, is a '88 Chevy Cavalier

2. Do you drive very often? nope...too scared, and don't really want to....grew up around DC...'nuff said

3. What's your dream car? hmm..kinda a toughy...there's a nice '88 Mustang, candy apple red, that I see on the way to work, but I just really want a nice, bright red convertible.

4. Have you ever received a ticket? nope, but, then agian, as I said, I don't drive much.

5. Have you ever been in an accident?while driving? no, but have been in a few as a passenger.

Hmm, what else has happened this week? not much, tho me and rich have been meeting some very nice cpls lately..may be thinking about changing from dancing to lingere modeling...as long as I'm legit, rich said he don't worry....*sigh* I dunno...I'll think about it.

Friday Five- August 2nd

Based from Rae's Friday Five, here's mine, though I've been working this entire weekend, so haven't really had time to do much beyond checking my mail every night after work. Eventually, I'll make a page and put them up there...and, I'll probably be on time with em too...For now, just bear with me, I guess.

Friday Five...sort of

1. What nationality/ies are you? I'm (deep breath) English, Irish, Welsh, Scottish, French, German, Russian, and Ukranian Jew...basically I'm a mutt.

2. Of those countries, which would you most like to visit? Probably either Britain (cuz I can't pick a fave there), or Russia.

3. Which would you least like to visit? Why? Probably the Ukraine, since it's not all that safe to be visiting there right now.

4. Do you do anything during the year to celebrate or recognize your heritage? Well, I, uh, like celebrating St. Patty's day, but not much.

5. Who were the first ancestors to move to your present country (parents, grandparents, etc)? Of the ones I know, it was my father's great-grandfather, who came over from Russia to escape the Jewish pogroms when he was 17.
Hopefully, I'll be more on time from now on....dunno.

My Boss Sucks

I'm a lil upset that Chase thinks I'm gonna run off to another club, and his lil gf is thinking that just cuz I don't wanna come in at 12 that she can't try calling some of the other girls! God, can't ppl just cut me a lil slack for once!

People Really Piss Me Off Sometimes!

OOohhhh! I just found a new, really kewl site index here:Supercat Productions. Very cool sites....you gotta go check em out sometime...on the work end, I'm so pissed of with the fact my boss won't fire a girl, even tho she's been caught doing illegal stuff, just because 1)she's his biggest money maker and 2) she lied and said that, oh, well, everybody's doing shit like that....Um, EXCUSE ME! I sure as hell don't act like a fucking whore...just you, MJ....then, to top it off, I went to another club to see if I could work there, and they hired me on a trial basis, then five min. later, one of the bosses comes back and says they've changed their minds and I can't work there...turns out the ex of one of my coworkers works there, and she told them that she would never work with me, just cuz I'm good friends with her ex...what a fucking bitch! sorry, just very upset right now...ya know, I'm tempted to just quit this whole shit, except for the facts that 1) I still make decent money most of the time, and 2) I don't have much experience doing shit. I don't know what I'm going to do, but ppl are REALLY pissing me off right now.

Work's Cool

Tried my hand at a wet t-shirt contest tonite....didn't win, but one of my coworkers did...It was fun, but boy was that water ICE COLD!!! But, had fun at work today. Met a friend of my coworker's who does promo for IPW, which my coworker's getting into....good luck, Miami! Miami's a real sweetheart, too...I'm praying that things work out with him and his new girlfriend, who's another ssweetheart. Personally speaking, I just hope I can find enough time in the next few days to sit down with Rich and talk about the fact that we don't seem to communicate much about anything...what we plan on doing, how long we plan on staying in one place, or even how we feel...seriously need to fix this- ASAP!

Why I Love Living Away from the Family!

Just got back from DC yesterday...man was that a taxing trip...I mean, right in the door, at around 1 in the morning, my lil bro's talking my ear off...and he doesn't seem to stop the WHOLE WEEK I'm there! God! And my grandparents remind me why I can't stand their hoiler than thou attitude. dammit! Why can't I be treated as an adult who's allowed to make her own fucking decisions, and that if you don't like what I do, you can just fuck off! Sorry, had to vent...on the good side, I'm glad to be back...I missed Rich a lot, and he let me know, in his own way, how much he missed me.

Okay, I'm about ready to go out of my mind...Rich got a new cell phone recently, and he's been downloading all these different ring tones, and showing them off...okay, enough's enough already!

How We Change

All I can say is I'm sooo fucking nervous about flying home today. See, things are VERY different, on both sides, since me and my parents saw each other 7 months ago. Well, for them, Mom's been doing lots of surgery and chemo and such, and lots more mood swings because of her surgical menopause. Me, well, let's start from the top and work our way down, shall we? I'm now agnostic (beliving there's a God, but not really giving a fuck), I have contacts, thinking about getting a tattoo on my shoulderblade, have slightly bigger tits, thanx to depo. I also have a belly button piercing, and I also dress differently, tho I guess I'll have to go back to the modest crap I used to wear for a week. Plus, I can look forward to my mom bitching about my lil brother not doing his chores, both of them bitching at me for sleeping/living with my boyfriend, which is against their religion, and having to deal with all the people back home who haven't known how much I've changed. But, on the upside, I get to see my cats, and organize my stuff to take back.